’10+10+10′ parenting rule: The 30 minute secret to make your child emotionally strong

Dr Swati Popat Vats, President, Early Childhood Association, recently shared a parenting habit that emphasises the importance of parents switching from screen-heavy lifestyles for their kids. Speaking on the podcast The Shaishav Show, she shared what she calls the “10-minute rule”, saying, “Do you know there is a 10-minute rule. 10 minutes, when the child wakes up. Spend those 10 minutes with the child…10 minutes when the child’s bed time, spend those 10 minutes with him..and 10 minutes somewhere in the day when he comes back from school, or needs you the most… if you spend these 30 minutes of phone, without a phone, without distraction, with eye contact with the child, with a connection with the child, your child will grow up emotionally strong.”

DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to. Always consult your health practitioner before starting any routine.

What exactly is the 10+10+10 approach?

According to Pavitra Shankar, children do not measure love in terms of time alone. “Love is not a time measurement; children measure it by how emotionally available someone is to them,” she explains. “Consistency and distraction-free engagement, even for 30 minutes, can create a strong sense of emotional safety.”

Dr Shankar says these moments help children feel seen, heard, and emotionally understood, experiences that directly contribute to emotional resilience. “When a child is repeatedly calmed and emotionally supported by parents, they gradually learn emotional regulation, confidence, and coping skills,” she says.

Expert shares parenting tips (Photo: Magnific)

Why this approach works

Dr Shankar points out that many parents may be physically present around children all day while remaining emotionally unavailable due to work stress, screens, or multitasking. “That is why the 10+10+10 model is meaningful,” she says. “Focused conversations, eye contact, shared laughter, and attentive listening are all building blocks of secure attachment.”

According to Dr Shankar, the beginning and end of a child’s day carry particular emotional significance. “The first 10 minutes after waking can emotionally set the tone for the day,” she explains. “If a parent responds with affection, calmness, and eye contact, the child’s nervous system feels regulated and secure.”

This sense of security, she says, improves concentration, emotional confidence, and mood throughout the day. The final moments before sleep are equally important. “Before bedtime, the brain is processing emotions and memories,” Dr Shankar says. “Talking, cuddling, storytelling, or simply listening to a child without rushing provides reassurance and emotional closure.”

Children who consistently experience emotionally connected bedtime routines are often more emotionally stable and less likely to show behavioural distress, she adds.

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The hidden impact of screens

Dr Shankar explains that eye contact is one of the earliest and most important forms of communication for a child’s developing brain. “Children learn empathy, emotions, language rhythm, and trust by observing their parents’ facial expressions and eyes,” she says.

However, digital interruptions can weaken this connection. Dr Shankar points to growing research around “technoference” disruptions in parent-child interactions caused by technology.

“Frequent digital distractions reduce responsiveness and emotional connection,” she explains. “Children rely on facial expressions, tone of voice, and responsive interaction for emotional regulation and confidence.”

“Eye-to-eye contact tells a child, ‘You matter,’” Dr Shankar says. “And that message can have a lifelong developmental impact.”

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DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to. Always consult your health practitioner before starting any routine.