‘Not your yaar, I am your mother’: Pooja Bedi on parenting boundaries; What an expert says

3 min readNew DelhiJun 21, 2026 09:28 AM IST

Pooja Bedi believes in drawing clear boundaries as a parent (Image: Express photo)

During an interview in 2016, actor Pooja Bedi shared a moment with her daughter Alaya F that struck a chord with many parents. Recalling how her young daughter once casually addressed her as “yaar,” Bedi responded firmly that she could be friendly, but not a friend.

“My daughter was very young. She turned around and said ‘no yaar’ or something like that to me, and I looked at her and said ‘Alaya, don’t call me yaar, I am not your friend’. There was stump silence and she looked at me and I said I am your mother, not your friend. I can be a friendly mother … I can be a support system, I can be all of that which your friends also are, but I am your mother.”

The statement reflects a larger parenting debate: should parents aim to be friends with their children, or maintain a clear boundary?

As per psychology, boundaries bring the sense of safety and security to children (Image: Express photo)

Drawing clear boundaries

Dr Abhinit Kumar, Senior Consultant (Psychiatry), ShardaCare Healthcity, says striking a balance is crucial. “Parents need to keep boundaries open while also being attentive and well-wishing. Children require direction, order, and discipline—and that can only come from a parent, not a friend,” he explains.

Dr Kumar adds that when parents try to be “just friends,” children may struggle to understand limits and responsibilities. Instead, the healthier approach is to be approachable and warm, while clearly setting rules and expectations. This balance helps children feel supported but also guided, an important combination for developing responsibility and decision-making skills.

Boundaries, he further notes, are deeply tied to a child’s emotional security. When rules are consistent, children know what to expect, which reduces confusion and anxiety. “This framework creates a sense of safety and predictability in their daily lives,” says Dr Kumar.

At the same time, boundaries teach children about consequences and accountability. Over time, this fosters respect not just for parents but also for teachers, institutions, and society at large. It also builds discipline and self-control, qualities that are essential as children grow into independent individuals.

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Being a “friendly parent” doesn’t mean blurring roles. As Bedi’s candid remark highlights, children benefit most when parents remain their anchors, offering warmth and support, as well as structure and guidance.