Homesick, lonely, newly single: Why people are turning to friendship events

"What have I done?" Amy Lute's nerves were at an all-time high as she committed to spending an evening with a group of strangers at a bar in Brisbane's West End.

Working in hospitality meant her Friday and Saturday nights were usually spent serving drinks, and most of her social interactions also revolved around alcohol.

But on this rainy Wednesday evening, her anxiety immediately settled as she quickly realised everyone else in the dimly lit room was there for the same reason as her — to play some games and make new friends.

"I was so apprehensive and just immediately felt comfortable," Amy said.

"Everyone just wants to talk to you."

Events designed to help adults make new friends have been popping up all around the country.

Some, like Conscience Connection's game night, come with a price tag.

But many in the room said the $35 fee was easy to justify for the organisation the event provided.

Standing at the bar, vet nurse Sarah McConnochie was one of the more extroverted people in the room.

She moved to Brisbane from New Zealand just a month ago and immediately went out of her way to meet new people.

"I get homesick real bad and one way to help the homesickness is finding a community," she said.

"So, since moving here, what I've been doing is finding different social events and just putting myself out there to make it feel like home."

Peer-reviewed research by Jeffery A Hall suggests it takes three to nine weeks to develop a casual friendship and three to four months for a close friendship.

The study also found how the time was spent was important; obligatory time, such as work or study, generally did not develop closeness compared to purposeful time.

Just a kilometre down the road on a crisp Saturday morning, Peter Frazer has met up with a different group of strangers to pick up rubbish.

After a long-term relationship ended, the 28-year-old teacher realised his social circle revolved entirely around his former partner.

"We moved to Brisbane together and we didn't really make a lot of friends outside of our relationship. So, once we broke up, it was very hard to meet people," he said.

The group, of all ages, met up at a cafe before they set off to clean up around Queensland's Gallery of Modern Art.

"I think the like-minded environmental interest really cuts through a lot of [those] age-related differences," Peter said.

"It's very interesting to meet people who are in a different stage of life to you, because you can give advice to them, you can learn a lot from them, and you can see different ways of thinking about things."

Drinking coffee nearby, Jackie Taggart and Mark Adarlo started talking.

At 30 and 23, the pair said it was unlikely their paths would have crossed — until they realised Mark worked with one of Jackie's cousins.

Mark, who works as a nurse, said it was hard to see his coworkers outside of work because most of them had families and other commitments.

"Even my friends in my 20s, because we all have different career pathways and different aspirations in life, it's very hard to make time to catch up with them," he said.

"So, I went through TikTok one night, just looked at social groups in Brisbane, and there were the run clubs, which not everyone wants to go for a run.

"But then I came across rubbish club, and I just liked it because you do community service, you're putting something back into the community."

Jackie, a government worker, said the dynamics of her friendships were changing as people got married and started families.

A 2025 study published in peer-reviewed journal Archives of Gerontology and Geriatrics followed a group of 15-97 years olds for 50 years to explore friendship trends across different life phases and cohorts.

It found contact with friends decreased from young adulthood, plateaued in mid-life and decreased again in older age, however later-born cohorts were more likely to report frequent contact with friends.

Jackie said a lack of third places made it hard to meet new people.

"I think that's the challenge, finding people are open to new friendships that don't already have those cups filled for them .

"As I aged in my 30s, I realised maybe I didn't have that space anymore, just through life changes."

Data from the Household Income Labour Dynamics in Australia (HILDA) survey found in 2024 15 per cent of Australians were experiencing loneliness and or social isolation.

It is something that resonated with 26-year-old Malav Patel.

He moved to Australia seven years ago for study, right before the pandemic hit, leaving him with a modest social network of other PhD students that had shrunk down to just two over the years.

He said it was easy to make excuses to not go out: a lack of late-night venues, costs, parking availability and work pressures, which all contributed to feeling lonely.

However, he said it was important to commit to showing up.

"I personally make the effort like I started at 6.30 am just to be here, because I wanted to be with people," he said.

"Otherwise, the friendships are going to get smaller, and then it is actually lonely."

He believed there was a willingness from people to go out, but sometimes it was not possible.

"It's sometimes exhausting, but just showing up sometimes helps," he said.

Ed Bahadori, standing next to Malav — who despite just meeting said he felt like he had known him for ages — added there were social pressures they felt as men.

"I think throughout growing up, I've just kind of seen that narrative, 'Well, if you're a dude, you're meant to be kind of isolated and stoic,'" the 30-year-old said.

"That has just proven to be … just so detrimental.

"I think it's good to finally see people finally like 'you know what? I want to go out and make friends, I want to be social.'"

For Ed, that effort has paid off as he pointed out his new friend Ethan, who he now regularly sees since meeting at the club a year ago.

Back in West End, Amy has made plans to meet up again with a group who are no longer strangers.

But after playing two pick up five cards in a game of Uno, she laughed and said: "I think I might have made some enemies."