‘Motherhood is a lonely journey’: Actor Rubina Dilaik talks about postpartum reality

Actor Rubina Dilaik recently opened up about the emotional realities of motherhood during an interview. Reflecting on body image, ageing and self-perception, she said, “Maa banana itna khoobsurat cheez hai, you will feel the glow…Yes, all of it happens, but 80 per cent of the challenges, the darkness, the struggles, the ups and downs, the hormonal changes, nobody speaks about it… motherhood is a lonely journey… A child doesn’t need a perfect mother, a child needs a happy mother. Please find your happiness…” (Becoming a mother is often described as something so beautiful—you’re told you’ll experience that special glow. And yes, all of that does happen. But no one talks about the other 80%: the challenges, the dark moments, the struggles, the emotional ups and downs, and the hormonal changes. Motherhood can be a lonely journey. A child doesn’t need a perfect mother; a child needs a happy mother. Please find your happiness.)

Her comments, made during an interview with Mid-Day, have reignited conversations around postpartum mental health and why new mothers need stronger emotional support systems. According to Dr Minakshi Manchanda, many women experience emotional overwhelm after childbirth because motherhood brings not just joy, but also a major shift in identity and routine.

DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to. Always consult your health practitioner before starting any routine.

“For many, motherhood is a triumphant occasion, but on an emotional level it is also a significant change in identity,” says Dr Manchanda. “Many women suffer from a dramatic shift in lifestyle, loss of sleep, physical fatigue, hormonal imbalances and limited personal space after giving birth.”

She explains that while families and friends often focus entirely on the baby, the mother herself may begin to feel emotionally invisible. “The isolation becomes even more acute because everyone is concerned about the baby but the mother may be feeling unnoticed,” she adds.

Motherhood is ‘romanticised’

Dr Manchanda also points out that motherhood is often romanticised socially, making it difficult for women to openly admit feelings such as fear, resentment, exhaustion or sadness. “The perception of motherhood as a natural and beautiful vocation often blurs the lines around fear, resentment, loneliness and emotional fatigue in social media and cultural narratives,” she says.

Many women, she notes, also struggle with losing parts of their previous identity — whether as independent professionals, partners or individuals with personal freedom. “This emotional struggle can generate guilt since there is a feeling of ‘I should feel only grateful,’” says Dr Manchanda. “In fact, two feelings can be present: loving the child and feeling overwhelmed by emotions.”

Emotional health matters

“The emotional health of the mother is important to the emotional health of the baby during the postpartum period,” explains Dr Manchanda. “If a mother feels emotionally supported and psychologically safe, she will be better able to bond with her child, respond to cues and form a secure emotional attachment.”

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She warns that the pressure to become a “perfect mother” can often lead women into cycles of anxiety, burnout and self-criticism. “A happy mother is not a mother that is happy every time; it’s a mother who feels emotionally held and accepted in her vulnerable moments,” she says.

Dr Manchanda stresses that prioritising maternal mental health should not be viewed as selfish. “Mothers prioritizing mental health are not neglecting motherhood – they are making the child’s sense of safety and trust more secure and stable,” she adds.

How to bounce back

“One of the most difficult things new moms have to do is expected to ‘bounce back’ emotionally and physically when adjusting to one of the hardest transitions in life,” says Dr Manchanda.

She believes emotional presence matters more than constant advice. “Sometimes a mother needs somebody to listen — somebody that doesn’t tell her to ‘be positive’ or correct her emotions,” she explains. Sharing household chores, allowing mothers adequate sleep, checking in on their emotional state and offering reassurance can significantly reduce feelings of overwhelm.

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Workplaces, too, have a role to play. Flexible schedules, empathetic communication and realistic expectations can help women feel supported rather than judged during their transition into motherhood.

“Many moms suffer silently because they don’t want to show weakness or ungratefulness,” Dr Manchanda says. “It is important that the conversation about postpartum anxiety, depression, anger and loneliness be normalised.”

DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to. Always consult your health practitioner before starting any routine.