'Christchurch is my tomb': From homelessness to hopelessness

Tormented by transience, Caitlin McDonald's life was as fragile and fleeting as the butterflies she saved from the street. Surviving less than two years homeless in Christchurch, she chronicled her journey in hundreds of YouTube videos filmed on her phone. Jean Edwards reports on her tragic metamorphosis from radiant spirit to rough sleeper, dead at 47.

On a cold Christchurch night, Caitlin McDonald curls up in a big op shop suitcase and closes the lid like a coffin.

Homeless and bone-tired, a church graveyard seems as good a resting place as any.

St Peter's floodlit façade casts a warm orange glow, giving a cosy illusion of comfort, while gargoyles watch on from above.

"I don't know what the etiquette is for sleeping on people's graves," she later tells the camera in a video posted on YouTube.

"I'm not camping, I'm in a city."

It is a hellish, sleepless night in the end. A pop-up beach shelter thrown over top is a useless defence, will the cold leave her frozen to death?

A priest is her saviour at sunrise. In tears over a tent-folding nightmare, hot tea brings her back to the world of the living.

For months Caitlin ponders her place.

"I can't fathom being a ghost. Where would I haunt? I don't have a home."

"Christchurch is my tomb."

A year later, she was dead.

Below one of her last YouTube videos called "pink lights and me" Caitlin writes: "winter will bury me, with spring laying a new bud on my grave. Everyone's time is up some time."

Is it my daughter?

On a late autumn night days before she died, Caitlin wrote to her mother from her bed of bark chips outside the Christchurch Town Hall.

The 11.33pm email left Wendy Proffitt imagining her daughter nestled among flax, toi toi and ferns lit by dandelion fountains, while security guards watched on.

"The spot seems to be too good to be true: safe, secure (including actual security and security cameras) with light and good WiFi," Caitlin wrote.

"I'm facing a dark conference room; blinds over the floor-ceiling windows open, eerily, and I can see through the ghost chairs and tables another wall of window-framed foliage tinged blue and green and yellow by I guess some other lighting."

Wendy was entranced but now knows she should have been worried.

On the afternoon of Thursday 22 May 2025 Caitlin rang to say she was returning to collect warm gear from a flat she had left with police help days earlier.

It was cold and living outside while ill, exhausted and alone was taking its toll. Wendy never heard from her again.

"The police came to me two days' later, knocked on my door, that knock that I'd always feared. I opened the door and said, 'Is it my daughter?'. She had gone, I couldn't bring her back, but I apologised to my beautiful daughter for not being able to help her effectively. To stop her suffering and to prevent her untimely death."

Caitlin had survived a brush with death in her early 30s with kidney disease but a 2016 transplant gave her the gift of life.

Homeless and sick on the streets of Christchurch years later, she mistakenly thought her transplant was failing.

Her mother now believes Caitlin suffered a preventable, premature death at the age of 47, setting off a new round of grief.

"Caitlin died not just homeless, but Caitlin died from homelessness," she says.

A life unravels

After her kidney transplant Caitlin was prescribed immune-suppressing drugs to prevent organ rejection, which also increased her risk of infection.

She was health-conscious about housing after falling seriously ill with sepsis in 2019.

Caitlin was evicted from her Wellington flat in 2022 and moved to Christchurch for a fresh start, where she expected better, cheaper housing.

She was again evicted in 2023, although details surrounding her tenancies cannot be reported for legal reasons.

Caitlin's deteriorating mental health led to a Hillmorton Hospital admission, repeated police welfare checks, suicide attempts, threats, a restraining order and arrests.

She faced charges of wilful trespass, wilful damage, assault, resisting police and posting a harmful digital communication.

In September 2023, a Christchurch District Court judge noted Caitlin had various diagnoses but was an intelligent woman who had never previously appeared in court and whose life had "unravelled".

With her life at a crossroads, she was urged to look forward rather than back, or risk going down a "sink hole".

Wendy says her neurodiverse daughter meant no real harm at a time of fragile mental and physical health and defended herself to her death.

"Caitlin believed that she would never get a flat or a job again. She was brave, persevering, walking her talk. People found that difficult," she says.

'This ain't the Real Housewives of Addington'

Rough sleeping in the bushes in Addington's Walsall Reserve, Caitlin tells the camera she is living among the spiders like Dian Fossey, except for the mainlining meth-head lurking nearby.

A canopy of cheap, plastic umbrellas keeps the rain at bay, with a sleeping bag and cushions scattered below.

A drying rack is propped on its side like a ramshackle shield from attack.

"This 'aint the Housewives of Addington" she quips. "I'm going to have time to go, 'oh help, oh f**k, I'm being murdered', rather than just being murdered and not having anything to say about it beforehand."

The clip is one of the last of more than 460 YouTube videos viewed by RNZ, documenting her descent into homelessness as a self-described "unreliable witness to my own life".

From hour-long "mega-rambles" with wine glass in hand, to expletive-laden anti-police rants and shorts about Merivale blossom, autumn puddles and pretty lights, Caitlin gives a first-hand account of her existence with eerie prescience.

In May 2023, on the brink of losing her St Albans flat, she tells the camera, "Part of me thinks that if these videos are ever seen they might be after I'm dead. Someone can sort of piece it all together about how much damage can be done to a person before their body gives up.

"YouTube is my emergency contact person."

'The city that never loved me back'

Caitlin spent her first night on the street when she was discharged from Christchurch Hospital's emergency department and slept at a bus stop in her pyjamas in November 2023.

"The horror of knowing that I had to walk out that door into the cold at 11.30pm at night and find somewhere to sleep," she tells the camera.

"I kept having nice little dreams and then waking up and realising that I'm sleeping in a bus stop and have nowhere to go. If every life was precious, would people be treasured like this? I don't think so."

Caitlin bounces from emergency housing motels to backpackers and back again, moving 14 times in 19 weeks around "the city that never loved me back". Prison provides a roof overhead.

She admits she is assertive and aggressive but bristles when the Ministry of Social Development (MSD) says she is not meeting her obligation to look for housing.

"We're not in respite, we're not in a holiday resort, we're homeless because of some serious problems. Do you think those problems have gone away? Of course they haven't. You don't just get here, chill out and think, 'Cool, I'm in a motel!'" she protests.

"It's not about not trying hard enough or looking in the right places, it's maths. There are too few beds and too many people who need them."

Almost a year to the day before she died, Caitlin records herself shivering and in tears, "camping like childhood" in St Albans' Abberley Park.

Gazing up at the leaf-dappled dawn light, she still finds beauty in the horror.

"It's just spectacular, beautiful, golden leaves. There's this mist, so you can see real sunbeams coming through it. It's truly beautiful. It's just so golden," she tells the camera.

"I wish I could have slept in so it's warmer when I wake up, two degrees is very cold. This is a fully-fledged nightmare. It feels very personal but it's one that many others are in themselves."

'Police say I'm the problem'

A case summary report shows Caitlin had more than 20 interactions with police in the six months before she died, sometimes as a victim, sometimes as "offender".

On 14 April 2025 an officer notes that, "Police are well aware of Caitlin and she refuses to receive help from police or anyone else. She has been assessed previously by MН [mental health]."

A prison assessment records Caitlin declined to work with Work and Income, the Salvation Army, City Mission and other agencies or social workers.

Offers of places to stay never worked out and while family funded backpacker beds and Airbnbs, she often returned to the street.

"Caitlin ended up living in miserable, unhealthy and unsafe conditions, sleeping in parks until she was abused or moved on by neighbours. She lived in derelict houses or was taken in by people who professed to help her but preyed on her," Wendy says.

Feeling increasingly worried and helpless, she wanted her daughter to return to Wellington but believed her own leaky, mouldy apartment posed too great a health risk.

Wendy says her inability to offer Caitlin safe haven was a significant blow to them both.

"I know that Caitlin would not have died had she been able to come to live in my apartment in Wellington. That's a big grief to me, that I couldn't help my own daughter," she says.

Caitlin slept under bushes in central Christchurch in her final days, then went to stay with an acquaintance at his St Albans council flat on 22 May.

He found her dead on his couch on the afternoon of 24 May.

Caitlin had scrawled on the pillow and wall in orange highlighter, "Police say I'm the problem".

From homelessness to hopelessness

Increasingly despairing, Caitlin wrote a lengthy email to her mother in February 2025, including details of a dispute with MSD about her eligibility for emergency accommodation.

The email included the sub-heading, "My Death".

"I do think it's likely I'll die this year or next and I'm coming to terms with that," she wrote.

"As MSD RCU [remote client unit] periodically and unkindly informs me for reasons unknown to me, I do not qualify for emergency accommodation.

"I don't know what to do, but a good start would be a swift reinstatement of my full, eligible payments, which I struggle to apply for without adequate resources and time and good health."

Caitlin was on a supported living benefit because of her health and given an A20 priority rating by MSD, putting her at the top of the social housing register. Wendy says she was never given a permanent home.

RNZ sought further details about Caitlin's entitlements and housing support provided by MSD under an Official Information Act request, including a privacy waiver from her mother.

MSD refused the request in full.

"A person cannot provide a privacy waiver on behalf of a deceased person. In this situation, [her mother] is not an agent listed on Caitlin's file, so does not have authority to obtain Caitlin's information nor to provide permission for another person to do so," MSD said.

"The need to protect the privacy of this individual being requested about outweighs any public interest in the release of this information."

Caitlin's last hope was a March application to withdraw $48,000 in KiwiSaver funds on serious illness grounds, with her doctor certifying that she was at serious and imminent risk of death.

She hoped the money would help get her back on track, allowing her to afford housing, food and repay debts. Her application was declined, leaving her drifting as Wendy describes, "from homelessness to hopelessness".

"Her life was precarious in every respect," she says.

Public Trust is responsible for considering early withdrawal applications submitted by KiwiSaver providers under its supervision.

In response to questions from RNZ, Public Trust says it did not seek medical advice before deciding to decline Caitlin's serious illness withdrawal application.

It says there was insufficient detail about a terminal illness diagnosis in documents Caitlin provided so it could not be reasonably satisfied that her application met the high threshold required.

"We acknowledge we could have directly contacted Caitlin's medical practitioner to better understand her situation. We apologise that we did not do this. We offer our condolences to Caitlin's family. We are sorry for their loss," a spokesperson said.

Public Trust says it approved many withdrawals for Caitlin under significant financial hardship criteria between 2020 and 2024 and recommended she reapply under that category when her serious illness application was declined.

"We have reviewed our process for assessing KiwiSaver serious illness withdrawal applications and we have made changes to how we respond when more information is needed and how those requirements are communicated to KiwiSaver providers," the spokesperson said.

"Public Trust has recently launched an online system to support KiwiSaver financial hardship and serious illness withdrawal applications. The new tool offers upfront guidance on eligibility and application requirements for KiwiSaver providers and their members."

A spring celebration of life

Caitlin was born on Wellington's scenic south coast, where family and friends gathered one August afternoon to celebrate her life.

Joined by her best friend Pania from primary school, mourners shared memories and pored over photo books documenting parties, weddings and happy family occasions.

Wendy spoke about a caring, conscientious, ethical, intelligent and articulate introvert who loved animals, "remembering Caitlin in her lovely dresses, the tallest, thinnest shoes and the dangly earrings, always with a glass in her hand".

Her cousin Jennie sent a special message from Scotland, recalling "a stylish, radiant, resilient and eternally upbeat Caitlin, even when life did not deal her anywhere near a fair go".

The same day, Wendy received Caitlin's post-mortem report showing her principal cause of death was concurrent respiratory tract infections in the context of kidney transplant immunosuppression.

She weighed just 51kg.

Wendy is still mulling the what-ifs and sliding doors moments that might have saved Caitlin's life.

She now has what she calls the "sad privilege" of speaking out.

"Homeless people are treated like trash, like they don't matter. Every single person is of value. We all deserve a home, a roof over our heads, to be cared for, to be valued, to be respected," she says.

"Caitlin could be your daughter, she could be your sister, she could be your friend, your cousin, your aunt. It could happen to any of us. I can't bring her back but I want to help in the tiniest way to try to prevent this happening to anybody else."

A premature and preventable death

In the year since Caitlin's death, Wendy has been on a quest to find out how and why her daughter died.

The answers to some of her questions are found in a September report prepared by Wellington renal physician Dr Murray Leikis who treated Caitlin until late 2021.

He describes her as an extremely intelligent and a caring person who always thought well of others and showed a great degree of empathy.

His report notes Caitlin was struggling with MSD to get support for emergency housing or funds to help with emergency accommodation she sourced herself.

"She worked with the hospital social workers as well and as eloquently put by Caitlin in her emails, she had read the legislation and understood the rules, maybe better than those working in MSD itself, so in the end she felt 'doomed to homelessness'," Dr Leikis wrote.

"I was very disappointed to hear that she was declined the release of her KiwiSaver funds which she applied for under the grounds of serious illness.

"I believe Caitlin qualified for this. Despite renal function being stable and no evidence to suggest that there was any sign of active rejection of the transplant or recurrence of [kidney disease], she was immunosuppressed, malnourished, living in unsuitable environments and thus high risk of death."

Although Caitlin feared her transplant was failing, tests showed her kidney function was stable and dialysis treatment was not imminent.

"I believe Caitlin wanted to continue living and saw a future for herself," Dr Leikis wrote.

"She died as a direct result of infection, to which she was predisposed by being immunosuppressed for her transplant. However, I believe this death was preventable had she had stable housing and adequate support from social services recognising her mental and physical health needs she would still be here.

"She wanted to be independent and access to her KiwiSaver funds would have given her the means to achieve her goals of having a safe place to live. With suitable and stable housing Caitlin should have had many years of life ahead of her with a functioning transplant."

Walking in Caitlin's shoes

Wendy now feels like she is trapped in a heartless bureaucratic labyrinth that mirrors her daughter's experience.

She has submitted multiple MSD Official Information Act requests, written to Housing Minister Chris Bishop, Associate Housing Minister Tama Potaka, Social Development Minister Louise Upston and complained to Public Trust and the Ombudsman in her search for answers.

"I'm now walking in Caitlin's shoes, experiencing the same run-around, indifference, cruelty and rejection that caused her death," she says.

"I've inadvertently become a mystery shopper for the failings of the various agencies with responsibilities who continue to say, 'Not me'.

"I can't get anywhere, there's just a wall of silence. I'm told that they're protecting Caitlin's privacy. I reply, 'you did not protect her life'."

Wendy believes Caitlin's death tells a story of multi-agency failure and is convinced her daughter would still be alive if the government had not tightened the eligibility criteria for emergency housing in 2024.

"Hers and others' stories need to be told now. The scourge of homelessness can and must be addressed. I'm sure - and hope - that homelessness keeps on being in the headlines until the government responds by doing something decisive, humane and effective," she says.

The government says it is spending an extra $14.5 million over the next year to continue homelessness outreach and support services in Auckland, Hamilton, Wellington and Christchurch.

It is expanding them to six further locations, alongside 300 additional Housing First social homes and increased transitional housing support.

Since September 2025, 674 households that had been sleeping rough have moved into stable housing and 177 people have joined a transitional housing pilot in Auckland and Hamilton.

Ladybird socks and scarves

In February coroner Alexandra Cunninghame closed her investigation into Caitlin's death after finding she died of natural causes.

"Any concerns about matters such as Ms McDonald's access to accommodation and access to investment funds are outside the scope of my investigation. Family may wish to address these matters directly with other organisations," she noted.

Wendy holds onto the fact that Caitlin expressed joy in everyday life right until the end, a beautiful soul who was not quite of this world.

"Every day I see where she was born in the next street to where I live. I wear her scarves over my throat and heart and her ladybird socks that walked the streets of Christchurch," she says.

"All I can say is she is no longer suffering, I'll honour all the wonderful things about her, mourn how hard her life was these last years and try to make something of her experience that can help others."