Zimbabwe: Tinaye's Explosive 'Nothing to Hide' Show Leaves Trail of Blood

VERY few of his colleagues in the Stand Up comedy business thought he would fill up Reps Theatre, of which they can be forgiven as Tinaye Wayne had last been on set over a year ago and even then he had not been the main act.

Even fewer thought he could deliver the punches he pulled; a left hook for Zanu PF aligned businessman Wicknell Chivayo of the "go see Victor" tagline, an uppercut to multi-award winning singer Jah Prayzah and countless jabs at Zanu PF.

He even had the bravery to reveal how he once kissed a boy.

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The night was his and Tinaye performed like a man who knew failure only meant one thing, going back to warming up crowds for some of his peers who have already scaled the scary heights whose price is initiation into Big Boy Business.

"Coming after a white person is so difficult, if you think I am lying ask black farmers," said Tinaye in his first statement after being introduced by Cde Fatso at a full to capacity Reps Theatre in Belgravia, Harare Saturday.

It was the first of countless truth-filled, rib-cracking jokes that dominated his set and he had not even started.

First was Mukuru weMazuva, Chivayo or as he calls himself on social media Sir Wicknell; the multimillionaire, apostolic sect going, Zanu PF aligned philanthropist who dominates social media whenever he coughs or coughs up money.

Zimbabweans know him for dishing out money and high-end vehicles to people who please him, but Tinaye had other ideas.

"Like everyone else I am trying to make it to heaven, in fact I want to be promoted to be part of the management team there because there are some people who should not enter, who do not deserve to enter heaven

"I want to be the one standing behind Jesus so that I get to whisper to him, uyu ndiye ayizviti mukuru wemazuva," said Tinaye in clear reference to businessman Chivayo.

Chivayo was one of many high-profile businesspeople, politicians and artists who did not survive Tinaye Wayne's explosive 'Nothing to Hide' comedy show at the weekend.

Mukuru weMazuva, a name Chivayo uses, is a Shona translation of Christian God, Jehovah's many names meaning the Ancient of Days, a title that is used in the Bible (Daniel 7) in reference to him having been before time.

Opposition leader Nelson Chamisa was also not spared. Tinaye rode him hard, saying he would eagerly snitch that Chamisa always told Zimbabweans that God is in it when He never was.

On the same night, right about the same time former Member of Parliament (MP) Temba Mliswa was bragging about "his" billionaire Kudakwashe Tagwirei from across town at The Hippodrome where the Miss Universe Zimbabwe pageant was going on, Tinaye was having a field day using the same billionaire as content.

"I will be very rude, I tell you. Tagwirei will join the queue, it will not be as easy as his son's birthday because I will tell him to go right at the back," added Tinaye to rounds of laughter.

"We do not hate on rich people, we just hate on these ones. In spite of his poor network, you do not find Zimbabweans hating on Strive Masiyiwa do you?"

The Tagwireis hosted a wedding of the century for their son a few weeks back, with high end cars, unimaginable presents and class that suits their status.

Except for the moments his crowd clapped for him "Netflix Style," Tinaye's mouth kept running jokes, giving a performance that will forever be likened to two roasts that were hosted by Magamba Network as part of Shoko Festival, at the same venue two and three years ago.

"Zimbabweans are now too used to corruption, I can even see Jah Prayzah coming towards me at Heaven's gate singing Haa Hodhi, I will not entertain him," he said.

"Comic Elder wakazosiya Raptor? Well, welcome to rapture!"

Jah Prayzah and Comic Elder are some of the many who have benefited from Chivayo's opulence.

Running his mouth as Tinaye did, he refused to be drawn into the Constitutional Amendment Bill No. 3 (CAB3) drama that has dominated Zimbabwean news. He found a way to "stay safe" and at the same time highlight the state of freedom of expression in the country.

"What are you waiting for? You want to get me beaten up? No, let him get in, ngaapinde hake," said Tinaye on Mnangagwa, as fans waited for him to speak on the highly contentious constitutional reform.

CAB3 seeks to extend Mnangagwa's stay in power by a further two years, meaning instead of stepping down after serving his two terms in 2028 as dictated by the Zimbabwean Constitution, he will leave in 2030.

The Bill will also extend Parliament's life and introduce a new system for electing a President. MPs will now hold that duty.

Traditionalists would have been shocked at some of his statements.

Tinaye no longer believes in his ancestors, apparently, they have let him down on countless occasions.

He blamed an all-too-common encounter with police officers and army personnel at the State House on them and is yet to recover or at the very least consider forgiving their "lapse in concentration."

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"Ndakarowa vakomana," he said of the encounter.

He had driven his Gazaland Police Station crew past State House after curfew, got stopped and questioned. No questions there, his ancestors are indeed to blame.

He added: "You know when these witches want to get you, please I am not speaking from experience, they request approval from your ancestors. They can just make things up and tell them you are now sleeping with other people's wives and ask that they kill you.

"It is only after they kill you and you eventually confront and ask them that you will tell them you were just handling Kikky Badass, these girls who are for the streets."

Wherever Mai Kunashe is, she probably regrets the day she gave Tinaye an opening into manhood as he laid all bare, revealing how she had manipulated him into loving and taking care of her son barely months after he had chosen to leave home and start life as a bachelor.

Some male attendants nodded in agreement, it seemed they too once fell in a similar hole.

Legendary stand-up comedian Carl Joshua Ncube called it a success, Doc Vickela applauded the young man, Ckanyiso DatGuy saluted him and Lucky Aaron, the man whose brains gave Zimbabwe Khedha and Bhutisi gave him a worthy standing ovation.

All in all Tinaye exceeded expectations!