Akshata Murty on growing up with grandparents, early memories of father: ‘This special person’

Early childhood experiences often shape how people understand love, security and family relationships. While many children grow up with their parents, others spend significant periods of time being raised by grandparents or other caregivers due to work, financial circumstances, or family needs. Akshata Murty recently reflected on her own childhood during an appearance on The Rosebud Podcast with Gyles Brandreth. Sharing her earliest memories of her father, Infosys co-founder Narayana Murthy, she said, “My very first memory is of this man. He used to visit me quite regularly. I was probably between 2 and 3 years old. And I remember him being really kind, really generous. He seemed quite sophisticated.”

Akshata explained that although she grew up speaking Kannada while living with her maternal grandparents in Hubli, Karnataka, her father always spoke to her in English. “He spoke to me in English, not in my mother tongue. I grew up speaking Kannada, which is a language spoken in southern India, but he would speak to me in English. He enforced no rules. He made me the centre of his world. I felt like a princess, and I was always heartbroken when he left. And that man was my dad,” she recalled.

DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to.

When asked why her father visited instead of living with her, Akshata explained, “Because I, until I was about age 5, grew up with my grandparents and not with my parents.” Reflecting on whether she fully understood who he was at the time, she said, “I thought about that. I think I was told it, certainly, and I called him Appa, which is the traditional name for Dad in my language, Kannada. So I knew it intellectually, I’m sure, but he, it was almost like he was more. He just was this special person in my life.”

Akshata described her childhood with her grandparents as “absolutely joyful,” sharing that her grandfather was an obstetrician-gynaecologist while her grandmother was a homemaker. She also spoke about the values that shaped her father, recalling, “I think that really planted a seed inside my dad on how whatever he did later on in life had to benefit the nation in some way.” One of her fondest memories was lying beside him during his afternoon naps. “I still remember the crook of his arm, what he wore,” she said, becoming emotional.

Reflecting on their relationship today, she added, “I’m 46, almost. He’s one of the most special people in my life.” Her memories raise broader questions about how children form lasting emotional bonds with parents, even when circumstances mean they spend much of their early childhood apart.

Can grandparents raise emotionally secure children?

Psychologist Rasshi Gurnani tells indianexpress.com, “Being raised by grandparents or other caregivers during the early years does not automatically weaken the bond between a child and their parents. What matters most is the quality and consistency of emotional connection, not simply the number of hours spent together. According to Attachment Theory, children can form secure attachments with more than one caregiver, provided they experience warmth, responsiveness, and reliability.”

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She adds that grandparents often provide stability and emotional security, while parents can continue to build a strong bond through meaningful interactions whenever they are present. “Children are remarkably adaptable, they don’t necessarily need constant physical proximity, but they do need to feel emotionally important. When parents are emotionally available, affectionate, and engaged during the time they do have together, a secure parent-child relationship can absolutely flourish despite limited day-to-day contact.”

Many working parents worry that long hours or demanding careers will create emotional distance, but children are generally more affected by emotional availability than by physical availability alone. What matters is making the time together feel intentional and distraction-free.

“Simple habits like checking in every day, creating family rituals, actively listening, keeping promises, and showing genuine interest in a child’s experiences help build emotional security. It’s also important for parents to communicate openly about work in age-appropriate ways, so children understand that a parent’s absence is not a reflection of a lack of love. When children consistently feel heard, valued, and reassured, they develop a strong sense of security, even if their parents cannot always be physically present. In the long run, it’s the consistency of love, responsiveness, and connection — not the number of hours together — that shapes a healthy parent-child relationship,” concludes Gurnani.

DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to.