Simon Cowell's Fiancée Lauren Details Getting Pregnant During Affair

Why Simon Cowell and Lauren Silverman Are Sparking Marriage Rumors After 12 Years Together

Lauren Silverman is pulling the curtain back on her relationship.

More than a decade after the entrepreneur's affair with now-fiancé Simon Cowell, she reflected on the complicated emotions surrounding her pregnancy with their 12-year-old son Eric Cowell while still married to Andrew Silverman.

"It was the end of my marriage, obviously," Silverman—also mom to Adam Silverman, 19, with her ex—said on the June 16 episode of the Happy Mum podcast. "Looking back on that time, it was one of the hardest times of my life."

"I don't want to say regretful because I don't regret anything," she continued. "Everything happens in your life for a reason. I'm a firm believer in that. Do I wish it had happened a different way and that I could go back and change certain things? Of course I do."

When the 48-year-old—who was married to Andrew from 2003 to 2013—found out she was expecting during her affair with the America's Got Talent judge, she was ready to step into the next chapter in their relationship.

"I knew that Simon was the person that I wanted to spend my life with," she said. "However, we got there and however it happened, I just believe that it was meant to be."

Although Silverman expressed remorse for the way she and Cowell, 66, had ultimately found one another, she felt deeply conflicted.

"As much as I wish I could go back and take away the hurt and take away the pain that that caused for my ex-husband and for Adam and for my family and for various people, it happened," she said. "The emotions were intense and they were wide-ranging."

The socialite admitted that she didn't "lean into" the joy of welcoming a new baby at the time as she navigated life between New York City—where her ex and Adam lived full-time—and London.

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"I felt like I was walking around with a scarlet letter everywhere I went because New York, even though it's a big city, it's really small," she reflected, "especially where I lived, which was the Upper East Side. It was just the way that people would look at me. I was on the cover of every magazine."

Nonetheless, Silverman understood why she was facing the backlash.

"I have nothing to complain about. I was the one who caused it," she explained. "For me, I felt like, 'OK, this has happened. I'm a big girl. I've got to suck it up and I've got to just get on with it. Whatever's coming at me, I deserve it. I'll take it and I'll just keep my head down.'"

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"That's what I did for a really long time," Silverman continued. "I just kept my head down and just kept going 'cause a part of me knew if it was somebody else in my shows and I was looking in from the outside, I would think exactly the same thing. So, I was just like, 'It's fine. It's cool. I deserve it.'"

Since the scandal, she has continued to work on forgiving herself and understanding what she was feeling at the time.

"I have done whatever I feel I needed to do to make peace with the situation," Silverman shared. "So now I feel like whatever I put out there and whatever people are saying or thinking, it's too bad. I don't really care anymore."

For a closer look at more celebs who were caught up in cheating scandals, keep reading.